Taking a Break (A Mobile Blog)
"Sometimes you need a little time away, just for a day..." as Chicago so eloquently put. It's absolutely true! Taking a break from stressful conditions is the best thing you can do for yourself. It could be from your work, your friends, your family, or just from the every day surroundings of home. This break could come in the form of a vacation, day trip, or even just a movie alone. The escape from the stressor can make all of the difference. Changing holiday plans is another way to relieve stress. Maybe spending time alone, with your friend(s), or with your mate is a great alternative to spending the holiday in a crowded family household. Learning to single out your triggers and dealing with them is important. If you suffer from anxiety, that is of particular importance. My husband and I have decided to take a different approach to the holiday and spend it alone. I've also taken the time to pamper myself by going to a movie or dinner alone. Both of these options felt so refreshing. When you deal with the holidays, you have to make sure that your family understands that sometimes you need to make your life your own. This has to be that way with everything you do. The same goes with friends and even your significant other. You have to make yourself happy. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryI'm Not Your Doormat
For many, many years, I have taken the opportunistic, opinionated bullshit that a certain member of my family consistently dealt me. Now, I'm fucking tired of it. I have hit my limit with her chiding remarks and her belittling garbage. In fact, I'm sick of her crap in general. She has this queen bee syndrome where she feels the need to tell everyone what to do. It's like when she says jump, people say, "How high?". Well that crap is more than over with. I refuse to speak with her, have her in my presence, or deal with her in any fashion until she learns to treat me like an adult. I'm relevant with feelings and can make my own decisions. I accept my imperfections, but she refuses to admit that falls short in any sense of the world. She is offensive, condescending and lacks the means to function with any shred of intelligence, kindness, or compassion. I may have made poor decisions, but at least I didn't rub her nose in hers. In fact, I was there to help her through the tougher times. The only thing she does is look down her nose at you. The way things have turned out in the last couple months makes me want to run with Don as far from here as I possibly can. Family isn't as good as people paint it to be in some situations. Maybe, after schooling is finished, we'll be leaving for somewhere else. I'm thinking it's time for a brand new start away from certain ungrateful people. The only thing is that there are certain situations that need to be tied up before I go, but that will happen in time. I never thought that I would want to leave where I'm from, but it's come to the point where it needs to occur. I refuse to have my husband and I be doormats for my family and most especially the person that I was discussing earlier in this post. Life is going to change and this time for the better. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryCollege Radio
Today I finally got my time slot as a DJ for my college's radio station, WOCC Viking Radio. I'm really psyched about this, because this is an opportunity to try out my communications skills. If I love it, I will follow up with more work. I'm going to broadcast on Wednesdays and Saturdays. I'm going to have a mix of metal, classic rock, modern rock, pop, R&B, and even some country for good measure. Being that my music is planned, I will take requests in advance of my broadcasts. I will definitely share my simulcasting links, times, twitter information, and other goodies. This is really exciting and I hope you'll tune in to share all of the fun with me!Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Anxious Body (A Mobile Blog)
Well, last night was quite interesting! I dealt with a different kind of illness. Over the last two months, my body has been feeling different kinds of pain such as nausea, chest pain, headaches, body pains, fatigue, and general malaise. I went to the doctor, who ran tests on me, which proved nothing. Last night I felt so horrible after having seizures that I went to the emergency room. They ran tests on me there, which proved nothing. The doctor then said the unthinkable, "Mrs. Frame-Leitch, you are having panic attacks. I think we should try a tranquilizer. How about Ativan?". I was stunned. I didn't think this was a panic attack, because I generally felt ill. In my life, there have been bouts of panic disorder, but usually I could recognize them for what they were. This didn't ring that same bell. He asked me, "What changed over the last two months?" So I explained everything and how I felt. I told him that it was hard to deal with familial issues, but I couldn't really stop my life to let myself wallow in that discomfort. When I explained everything in detail, he then said, "Whatever your not expressing emotionally, your body is dealing with physically." I found it hard to believe that was the real crux of the situation, but I humored him, filled the prescription, took the pill, and slid into bed. Turns out that day is a better day, but I'm sad that I let everything get so far out of whack. I told the doctor that I only cried twice for Mom. I'm so upset about so many things that sometimes I don't know how to deal with it all at once. How does anyone expect me to feel? That's why I just push. If I push, and keep the momentum going, I won't have anything to dwell on. My body won't let me have even that much peace in my life. My husband is my rock, the one anchor in my life even when I feel adrift. Right now I'm just fighting back my tears, because I can't sob anymore. It hurts too much. It hurts my epilepsy too much and I don't want to be this person. This person who hangs on to something so horrible, so cancerous that it will eat away at my happiness. I'm better than that and I want to move on. I don't want to have to take a benzodiazapene to find relief. I'm not going to use a crutch like that. I'm sorry that I sound angry, but for years I have dealt with garbage like this and now I find myself embarassed of my own weakness again. I guess I just have one more thing to kick so that I can roll down the rest of this bumpy road.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Ophelia! (A Mobile Blog)
I remember when this little one was the length of about ten inches in total! She was her Daddy's holiday present in December 1996. I remember seeing her for the first time at Pet Depot. She was in a pen with two Jack Russell Terriers and she busted through both of them to take a peek at my Mom and I. When I saw her, I knew that she was going to be our little girl. I remember calling Donald, my husband, on the telephone to explain about her. I remember him also saying, "Honey no!" Finally I was able to lure him to see her and he held her for the first time. I could see the tears well up in his eyes and he smiled sheepishly and said, "Damn you." I signed the paperwork and she was quarantined for her vaccinations. Then she came home to us. I remember she was dressed in a little red sweater with a red harness and leash. I was working as a market researcher and when my husband would pick me up she would always come with him. My co-workers loved her. My whole family loved Ophelia from the start. We used to take her for rides in the car and she would come for visits to see my parents, my husband's parents, the park, and so many other places. Ophelia is the only dog I know who is excited to go to the vet. We've moved a few times and even with the change in space, Ophelia has always taken it all in stride. She unconditionally loves most everyone she meets, though the animal world can be debatable at times. Lately she has taken great strides in that area I must say. Her vivacious playful nature was always her biggest deal, but she's calmed down some now. Our little girl is hitting her golden years and at fourteen, we are spoiling her rotten. For those who call dogs "man's best friend" I think you are a bit mistaken in your term. Ophelia, our dog, is a "humanity's best friend." I love her so dearly!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Fun in October!
I'm so happy, because my Duo tickets arrived this afternoon! What is Duo? Duo is a concert done by Matt Scannell of Vertical Horizon and Richard Marx, the pop/rock singer and songwriter. This time I was able to get fantastic front-row seating. This really gives me something to look forward to this October. I'm going to try and take pictures. I can't believe how lucky I am to see this show twice in one year. I know that sounds dorky and many people tease about this kind of thing, but I don't care. It makes me happy and that's what counts.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
One Step Back
I had a really unexpected incident happen to me, but these incidents always are. I was in the back room of my house, waiting to say goodbye to Don as he left for work, and I had a grand mal seizure. It took me a couple hours to be able to stand or even talk. Usually I get very emotional afterward, but I'm kind of numb to it today. I guess the last couple weeks makes me think that it could be way worse. I just wish that I could get rid of the headache. I usually get a really bad one after a seizure. It subsides after a while, but it's very irritating. Because I can't be alone during the few hours after a grand mal, I'm hanging out with Donald at his job. I'm going to tell my doctor about this episode. I hope this new doc can find a treatment plan for me. Ah well LOL!Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Cooking
Tonight I decided to make a lovely italian meal. I made some sausage meat sauce, hot and spicy, and whole wheat pasta. We had ciabatta garlic bread with fresh mozzarella. I love to cook, especially with my husband, because it's the time that we talk and catch up. It's really great to use our creativity to make something so filled with love. It's a nice way to spend an evening together. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Protocol
I've grown tired of dealing with people who make plans about my life without my consent. I'm sure that you've run a person or two who have made it their mission in life override any involvement that you have in a situation, and make decisions on your behalf. I can see maybe the person was brain-dead, a young child, or developmentally disabled to the point where he or she couldn't speak for themselves. That would be the only reason for any indirect decision making. Otherwise, the person or persons can take a flying leap off a bridge. Do I sound harsh? Quite possibly! I'm not sorry for that and neither should the affected party. Sometimes you have to be firm in order to make your point. I've never found fault in being tough. It gives people the kick in the rear end they need to back the fuck off. If you have a brain that works, you have a say in how you're life is run. Don't let people treat you like a doormat. If you find yourself in that position, then wipe your hands of them, because people like that can cling like a disease. It's common sense to want to rid yourself of disease. I think if there is a weighty decision to be made, it should be made with all of the persons involved. Anything else is ripe bullshit and doesn't have to be tolerated. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryKeeping Busy (A Mobile Blog)
Today is a day for sorting through the pictures. It's hard to find the perfect photos that fit the best parts of Mom's life. I've seen a few different ones that I couldn't leave out. Like the photo of Mom with my baby sister, who was dressed in her Christening gown for her baptism. It was really adorable. Then I found a picture of me on my mother's knee as a toddler with my grandmom Sadie to her side. Both of these photos made me very choked up. It really helps me remember how happy and caring Mom was as a parent. I was blown away by all of the photos from my Mother's childhood and her teenage years. While I was putting pictures into photo albums to display for the memorial, I started to think how impossible it seems that she's really gone. Everyone seems to talk about her and can realize that they won't ever see her again, but it feels like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. Maybe it was the fact of seeing the emptiness gets to me. Honestly I just have a problem rationalizing it. The pictures really highlighted that vacancy in my life, even though they brought back endearing memories. It did give comfort to my sisters and my dad, but I could see how it tore them up during certain moments. Maybe looking at photos of your deceased loved one is the way to push you through the grieving process. I know there are stages to that process, but is that part considered acceptance? I'm not sure if I'll ever make it through that ordeal. You never know how life can change, and maybe my view will too.Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
